Yesterday for the first time in my life I was grateful for East to West Coast time differences.

It was one of those nights where you couldn't sleep and needed to talk, but didn't know who you could talk to—who would be awake. And then you remembered: the person you trusted the very most in the world lives in New York when you live in California, making your 2:30 in the morning his 5:30. And lucky for you this individual wakes up extraordinarily early. So you could talk. For 1 hour and 41 seconds before he had to get ready for work. And you are safe.

When the cats are away, the mouse will...

• swim twice a day.
• tan by the poolside.
• read by the poolside.
• go on multiple walks/runs.
• go to Trader Joe's.
• make homemade guacamole.
• proceed to eat homemade guacamole for every meal.
• brave the freeway/crazy LA traffic twice.
• visit her grandma.
• nap.
• try to find Anthropologie.
• get profoundly lost/scared.
• cry.
• somehow make it home.
• listen to Arcade Fire's Suburbs on repeat.
• go to church alone.
• wish she had friends here.
• wish the cats would come back.

Awesome-town is a whole lot more awesome when H & P are present. Utah, please return them.

On Rand.

I will not say everything I think about her here, but I will say that I think she is a good philosopher, and that if she believed in God she would be a better philosopher. I will also say that I can’t stop reading her books, even to the detriment of my other activities/relationships. To demonstrate, I have carried—and read—her hefty volumes in the following places: at church, during class, during a concert, at the gym, on multiple trains, on multiple buses, while walking, in my bed, in at least one vegan restaurant, and so forth.

A text message from my sister:

Listening to Andy Martin. Someday we will find nice boys.

I am listening to Fanfarlo and Bob Dylan, but hope that she is right.

February fourteenth, pt. 2.

This year I lay on a couch in New York City wearing clothes I wore the day before, watching the Truman Show, and eating brownies made by someone that I love and ice cream made by Ben and Jerrys. The brownies were accompanied by song, and carried a single candle in the middle. I blew it out and made a wish. It was 1:37 exactly. The wish came true almost immediately (though not necessarily in the way I would have hoped). A few hours later I boarded a bus back to Boston--the land of cobblestone paths and granite curbs--to the realization that I am always boarding something. I am always in between.

Every book/person I have loved the most in my life.

Lately I wish that everyone I love has read all of the same books as me, so instead of fumbling to explain my feelings, I could say, "Today I feel like Anna Karenina in the scene when..."

Yesterday I might have felt like Levin.

To the person I most wish to communicate with, I would explain, "I am the fox and you are the little prince when the little prince says goodbye." Or perhaps, "I am every character in The History of Love." Then, then I might be understood.

Bless.

Bless bolt bus, and winter break, and trips to New York City. Bless earmuffs on blustery days, and gourmet licorice on every kind of day. Bless Ellis Island, and Lady Liberty, and ferry rides that make such sights possible. Bless sunsets over Brooklyn Bridge and Grimaldi's on the other side. Bless Patsy's (which I may like slightly more than Grimaldi's). Bless starbursts and Lindor truffles. Bless Becca, and Tay, and Bronson. Bless hospitality, and welcomings, and an abode at Cathedral Parkway. Bless Cafe Lalo, and Evelyn, and Francesco who still calls me Precious. Bless T. Time.

Dear everyone,

I haven't written for awhile. I am sorry. I have been tired, and a little bit busy--attending book readings, crafting papers, preparing presentations, other general finishing of my term, playing nanny, meeting Danny Ainge, visiting New York, flying across the country, and eating pizza.

Of my fall semester the truest thing I can say is that it was hard. The second truest thing I can say is that it was good: I liked my classes, my program, and my classmates.

Now after boarding a plane, and being in far too many cities in one day, I am in Provo, and have been for a little while. I am currently sitting on a couch in my family's home, where there is a picture of me in a frame, in the entry way, and where a 3 year old girl runs down the stairs in the morning yelling my name.

Since my return, my sister Charity has called me Pocahontas, my niece Eden has called me Charity, I've read 3 1/2 books, watched 2 movies, seen a small handful of friends, failed to settle Catan, had numerous kitchen and living room dance parties with my sisters/niece, admired the lights at Temple Square (though I was cold and maybe hungry), remembered that the Broadway is my favorite movie theater in all of the US and that Ritter Sport Marzipan is my favorite candy in all of the world, watched more sports in a single night than I watched in an entire year (Go Cougs/Lakers!), passed my 3 year mark home from my mission, and delivered cookies/Christmas caroled with my family.

I can feel how good it is to be here.

Sincerely,

Rachel

Rachel-isms

"slash" (often used multiple times in the same sentence)

"maybe" (said next to definite statements, e.g., "I miss you, maybe")

"may or may not be true"

"-ish" (used to qualify anything)

"p.s." (said after, or as a statement)

"by the way" (said after, or as a statement)

"fun and funny"

"thank you in advance"

"not that awesome" (said of things I dislike)

a specific head nod with a specific facial expression

Small and simple things for which I am really grateful.

• Kindnesses upon kindnesses, from professors, from classmates, from family, from friends.
• A line from a book, "Everything is possible again."
• Another line from the same book, "If nothing matters, there's nothing to save."
• That God speaks to us in ways that we understand.
• Skype, and a 3 year old girl on the other end who knows my name and calls me aunt.
• Facebook and gmail and blogs.
• That it is not yet a terrible prospect to go outside/that it is not yet unbearably cold out.
• Scarves and hats and sweaters.
• My bicycle.
• Pizza.
• Having school classes I don't hate.
• Living in a city I am learning to love more all of the time.
• The (actual) color purple.
• The book The Little Prince.
• Priesthood blessings.
• Music shows.
• Trader Joe's.
• Maps.