Saturday, September 28, 2013

A first.

Today I attended a lovely, and deeply meaningful conference on faith and doubt in Mormonism. I may write more about this later, but for now I will say that I met a woman afterward who asked me what I study at my school. I told her, "Kierkegaard, and Levinas, and Heavenly Mother." At the last one her eyes lit up. She excitedly said, "I have to email you something on Heavenly Mother a friend shared with me two days ago! You will love it!" I felt a little silly saying it, but said anyway, "I might have written it." She opened her friend's email on her cellular telephone, and sure enough I had.

It might be the Exponent post that I am most proud of, because it is the post that I have wanted to write for five years.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

There are three things I would really like to do in life.

(You know, aside from being a mom.)

One is finish my PhD. Two is write philosophy children's books (and possibly one theology children's book, on Heavenly Mother). Three is ride around on a bicycle and make crepes for people, a la the amazing "pancake bikes" in Denmark.

(They looked a tiny bit like this.)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

When I Was Pregnant With You

+I slept on an air mattress for approximately five months.
+I biked to school multiple times a week during that same approximate five months.
+I took three classes for my PhD: How Not To Talk About God; Levinas; and Ricouer and Memory.
+I read aloud to you from philosophy books and children's books.
+I sang and sang to you.
+I teared up when I first heard your heartbeat.
+I teared up when I first learned you were a girl. (The ultrasound technician kept saying, "So cute! So cute!")
+I threw up exactly six times.
+I felt nauseous many more times.
+I celebrated my 29th birthday and my 2 year anniversary.
+I spoke at five conferences in four states (California, Washington, Minnesota, and Utah). My presentations were on Habermas; Heavenly Mother; Levinas, Derrida, and sister missionaries; and Kierkegaard on (true) love.
+I took two road trips to Arizona, one to view the Grand Canyon for the first time, and another for Easter and sisterly reasons.
+I biked sixteen miles on the California coast, from Santa Barbara to a town whose name I can't remember.
+I flew six times (between LA and Seattle, New York and Minneapolis, and New York and Salt Lake).
+I took sewing lessons from a dear friend.
+I was asked to co-edit a book with a woman I greatly admire. I said yes.
+I started editing that book.
+I packed up all of my belongings and drove across the entire country, from Los Angeles to New York City, where I then unpacked all of my belongings.
+I hiked in Zions for the very first time.
+I hiked on the Appalachian Trail for the very first time.
+I attended Girl's Camp, where I got stung by a bee for the first time since I was five.
+I swam in two pools, one lazy river, one lake, and one ocean.
+I took two ferries.
+On Pioneer Day, I traded in my Utah driver's license for my new New York.
+I ate a Philly cheese steak in Philadelphia and delicious pizza in Pittsburgh.
+I toured Frank Loyd Wright's masterpiece, Fallingwater.
+I toured downtown Chicago, with my personal architectural tour guide.
+I spent a night in 11 states (California, Arizona, Washington, Minnesota, Utah, Nevada, Nebraska, Ohio, New Jersey, New York, and Pennsylvania).
+I drank 6+ boxes of raspberry leaf tea.
+I took a handful of vitamins most days.
+I watched my belly button turn from innie to outie.
+I taught my Relief Society sisters about our history of healing blessings, midwifery, and priestesshood.
+I taught my Relief Society sisters about Heavenly Mother and my Mormon feminist blogging.
+I was interviewed by two separate members of the press, in the same week.
+I biked at 37 weeks and at 39 weeks. Once to Prospect Park, and twice to my church building.
+I went camping at 38 weeks (at the same upstate locale as Girl's Camp).
+I met with one California OB, and two lovely New York midwives.
+I consumed an impressive amount of popsicles.

(This list is inspired by two dear friends who once moved near one another, and a tender little blog they created called "When I am Neighbors With You." Maybe I want to turn my own list into a tiny child's book for my babe and myself.)

Monday, September 23, 2013

It was this time last year.

These Provo pictures were taken exactly one year ago today, on the same morn that we said goodbye to Spencer's mama. When he was reminded of the anniversary the other day, his first words were, "It was only a year ago? It feels like forever."

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Freezer full.

I don't know a single thing about making casseroles. But, I do know how to make soup. And now chili. And a few more things. As such, the following good eats are filling up my freezer:

+Butternut squash soup
+Split pea soup
+Lentil curry
+Burrito filling
+Brown rice
+Wild rice
+Banana oatmeal cookies
+Vegan cupcakes

Photo proof:

Thursday, September 19, 2013

These days

it is difficult for me to read children's books aloud without tearing up.

The most difficult for me of all are:

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

A Happy Accident

For reasons I can no longer recall (except for the sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with finishing laundry too late into the nighttime), our bed's bottom sheet ended up on top, and our top sheet on bottom. I have been hesitant to change it ever since, because as it turns out, it is quite cozy to sleep inside a fitted sheet. It feels akin to a lightweight sleeping bag.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Today someone asked me what my biggest hope is for my daughter, as well as my biggest fear.

What I didn't say, but wish I did, is this, "My biggest hope for my daughter is that she will feel loved and welcome, in her family and in the Church. My biggest fear is that she won't."

Last night I listened to an NPR podcast about how much babes learn in the womb.

I learned that when they are born, they cry in the accent of their mother's language.

Monday, September 16, 2013

My daughter's heartbeat

is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard–like ocean waves, or galloping horses, or both at the same time.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

What's in a name?

It turns out that it feels like a tricky thing, to give a human child a name, that they will carry and wear throughout their entire life. There was a name that I felt very good about, early on, but of which I have tiny seeds of reservation.

The names I love:

Cora (Evelyn)