When I was in New York, I met a woman who didn't look at herself in the mirror for one year.

For an art project slash life project. When she first looked at herself in the mirror, she wept.

She showed me the video, and told me that there is something very powerful about looking at yourself when you are weeping, or when you are mourning. She said it allows you to feel empathy for yourself: it allows you to love yourself. "Double pain, and double relief too."


OYP_VIDEO IN THE BOX N˚2 from Anita Sto on Vimeo

Maybe because of this, I documented S and I, seconds after finding out last night's heavy news. I wanted to know what our grief looks like. Suffice it to say that today is another day for pictures and mirror looking.

Maybe I started crying on the phone today.

I spent the better part of my day on the phone and/or waiting to be connected on the phone to talk to insurance, radiologist, emergency room, and hospital people. All about our accident that happened seven months ago. If only we were living inside of the country to receive all of the follow up things we needed to fill out/send in after we mailed in the initial paper work and claims.

The tears came after successfully getting ahold of someone post two+ hours of trying, just to be told that I needed to call the person I had previously been talking to. The individual was even so nice, it just happened to be the straw that I could not carry. If any of you know how difficult/anxious-making I find even regular phone calls, you may understand.

(I am a not a very good adult. And Spencer better be very proud of me.)

Hymn 101.

This song was so beautiful live, it made me cry.



I've come from down the road.
And my footsteps never slowed.
Before we met, I knew we'd meet.
Before we met, I knew we'd meet.

And I've come here to ignore your cries and heartaches.
I've come to closely listen to you sing.
I've come here to insist, that I leave here with a kiss.
I've come to say exactly what I mean.
And I mean so many things.

When the cats are away, the mouse will...

• swim twice a day.
• tan by the poolside.
• read by the poolside.
• go on multiple walks/runs.
• go to Trader Joe's.
• make homemade guacamole.
• proceed to eat homemade guacamole for every meal.
• brave the freeway/crazy LA traffic twice.
• visit her grandma.
• nap.
• try to find Anthropologie.
• get profoundly lost/scared.
• cry.
• somehow make it home.
• listen to Arcade Fire's Suburbs on repeat.
• go to church alone.
• wish she had friends here.
• wish the cats would come back.

Awesome-town is a whole lot more awesome when H & P are present. Utah, please return them.