Tired

There is so much I want to write right now but I am tired. I am tired for the very reasons I want to record on this digital paper. I would write all I wanted on dreams and truth and answered prayers, how after some amount of time Professor Paulsen really did get approval for me to work for him, and how it is for 40 hours a week so I don't have to worry about getting a second job. I want to write on here about the things I am reading about in relation to that responsibility that are making me feel both the spirit and sorrow--so much so that yesterday I could not restrain my tears.

The first project is on Latter-day Saint views of the Divine Feminine, or in lay man's language, the Mormon understanding of Heavenly Mother. It is a topic that simultaneously has so much and so little written, resulting in part of my sadness and part of my fatigue. To add to these feelings, so much of what is written is mere speculation or lacking other authority or legitimization. Evan told me that when Ashley worked on this same project she mentioned to him how Sunday School teachers make it seem like an important doctrine, "but try researching it." I have tried, and will continue to, and it's hard. After doing it the first day for 7 hours I felt like I took another final, and felt scared for my summer, wondering if every day would feel like that. It is getting better, though it is still mentally and spiritually exhausting.

The second project will be my respite. It was extended me during my first staff meeting when Paulsen was filling me in on his other projects. At the bottom of his handout I noticed the initials S.K. and J.S. I hoped correctly that they referred to Soren Kierkegaard and Joseph Smith. BYU Studies commissioned him to write an article focusing on the convergence of their beliefs on Christianity. The article is written but he wants to write additional pieces expounding his sub-points. He asked me if I was interested on working on this. I gleefully exclaimed, "Yes! I love Kierkegaard." In his very kind and knowing voice, he responded, "I thought you might." Now part of my work days will be spent reading and writing about my hero. I am the luckiest.

I am still tired, though I wrote a lot after all. Good night.