Further North than South.

I am driving to Oregon tonight. It has been a long time coming, May 2005 and coming. I remember that it rained as I drove away. Sometimes I think that my heart is still there, but then I think, "No, it's right here. I have it with me." Still, I am drawn there with a pull I cannot explain, except to say that it is the place of my birth and much of my learning. I feel comfortable there among the trees and the rain. I also long to be near the ocean, the serenity and quiet of it. For some reason it feels good to stand by something so immense, perhaps because it assists me in remembering the grandeur of God and His generosity and love in designing such beautiful creations. I loved working at the Sea Lion Caves and I especially loved hearing the awe in the voices of little children seeing the ocean for the first time. I used to find great joy in watching them and listening to them. A little boy, "Look at the beautiful water, mommy!" and "It's blue, it's blue!" A little girl with the cutest, tenderest voice, "I don't like the big waves, the big waves can carry me away SO easily!"


I am going to a wedding in Portland when I am there. This warms my soul for a plethora of reasons. I am delighted because it it is a wedding in general and even more that it is for Amber, that it is her day. I am delighted to see and be inside that particular temple again, that place where I have so many happy memories. I am excited to see Mieka in Portland as well, and Sheri. I miss each of them. I also want to go to Cottage Grove with April, and do the things we used to do. I want to go on our old drives, and have taco bell picnics at the lake, and lay on the soccer field by my old house and look at the stars and tell each other stories. I want to write cheesy poems and stay up for hours laughing. In Eugene I want to walk around the university's campus and remember how much I really do love the Ducks. I want to play board games with my sister and go to a book store with her and read children's books and love poems. There could be few things better.

I want to go to church on the coast, for I love Bishop Mitchell and his family, and then there is Anne and her baby girl I haven't met yet. I also hope I can see Anna Balcom. She is my muse. I want to hike the trail to the light house with Richard. I want to see the sea lions. I want to eat ice cream at my favorite ice cream place. I want to drink the water and breathe in the air, breathe it in so deeply for the purity of it. It hasn't been tainted yet. I want to take the time to think about the things I should think about, to ponder the way I am living my life, to determine how I may live it better and truer. I want to reorganize everything in my life. I want to write in my journal.

Further, today is Eden's birthday, and I am also thinking about that. It is her first birthday, where she will have her cake and eat it too.