Update (on an update).

Even in the midst of these hard weeks and days there have been sweet moments, too. One was seeing some of my old Provo and Provo family, both of whom I love. I also feel closer to Spencer's family, which I'm sure he loves.

Zeke and Bing, pre-work.

Nana and Eden, post E getting a tad bit hurt.

My horse whisperer.

Myself.

Pretty. Grumpy.

Just pretty.

The one I love.

And again. (On the very day of loss.)

This field love day-of-days, the Autumnal Equinox was brought up, and someone in my family asked me how I used to celebrate it, when I used to celebrate it a lot. I explained our old rituals of jumping over flames, chanting/dancing, the one-at-a-time circle sharing of our favorite thing about the season, and/or a quote, poem, song, or drawing to go along with it. I also explained some of the more specialized rituals involving eating part of a nut and letting the other one go in the water, representing what we want to keep about our lives and what we want to change, or seeds planted with tiny letters written on them, of what we want to grow (which was actually more Spring), or folded paper boats with our secret wishes to be released into the same water (which was actually more Summer). After my telling, my family humored me in sharing their favorite part of fall. I was a tad bit surprised that they would be willing to do that for me, but they were, and it was quite touching--particularly on that holy, sad day. My favorite thing(s): family dinners with baked apple desserts, strolls through fields, feeding horses in those nearby fields, crisp, cool air, dreaming about more apple things (including fresh cider pressed from fresh fruit), and squash--all kinds of squash. (Plus reds and oranges and yellows if I lived somewhere where leaves could be those colors. And a special emphasis on temperatures below 100, wishing I lived somewhere where I could feel those temperatures.)

What are are a few of your favorite fall things?

It's piggybank time!

This post is also about Eden, which may temporarily make my blog an aunty blog (not to be confused with a Mommy blog).

It is also about my sister Charity, who shares the privilege of being Eden's aunt. It is important to know that both Charity and Eden like to sing, and that they frequently sing to each other. It is also important to know that they are very good at this.* And that they make up their own songs (both the tune and the words), and that they sometimes communicate this way for half hours at a time, for whole days at a time. It is a remarkable thing to behold. During one such time, Charity was singing to Eden that she needed to eat, and Eden was singing her reply (i.e., her unwillingness to eat). Imagine if you will, a cute, catchy tune. Also keep in mind that at the time of this sing-songy conversation, Eden was 3ish.

C: It's eating time.

E: It's not time to eat, it's money time.

C: It's play time.

E: No, no, no. It's not time to play, it's money time.

(And so on. Always ending with Eden shaking her finger and singing that it was money time.)

Two years pass. Christmas passed. It is now. Charity (who loves the Oregon Ducks) got an Oregon Duck pillow pet for Christmas. Enter Eden (who has her own pillow pet).

E: I wish I could have that pillow pet.

C: You already have a pillow pet.

E: I'll switch you!

C: I don't want to switch. Santa gave it to me for my Christmas present. Don't you want me to have what Santa wanted to give me? (Thinking she would respect Santa.)

E: I'll give you money!

C: No.

E: Please, I'll give you money.

C: No. I don't want your money.

E: Please, I just really want that pillow pet.

I knew she was serious, purely by how serious she is about her money. It also inspired me to leave her the following note, with the majority of my non-European change.

Apparently she loved it. Apparently she could also read every word. But "money."

*At my granny's funeral, immediately following my aunt and cousin's lovely rendition of "I'll Fly Away," Eden whispered, "They sing beautiful just like I sing beautiful."

Dear everyone,

I haven't written for awhile. I am sorry. I have been tired, and a little bit busy--attending book readings, crafting papers, preparing presentations, other general finishing of my term, playing nanny, meeting Danny Ainge, visiting New York, flying across the country, and eating pizza.

Of my fall semester the truest thing I can say is that it was hard. The second truest thing I can say is that it was good: I liked my classes, my program, and my classmates.

Now after boarding a plane, and being in far too many cities in one day, I am in Provo, and have been for a little while. I am currently sitting on a couch in my family's home, where there is a picture of me in a frame, in the entry way, and where a 3 year old girl runs down the stairs in the morning yelling my name.

Since my return, my sister Charity has called me Pocahontas, my niece Eden has called me Charity, I've read 3 1/2 books, watched 2 movies, seen a small handful of friends, failed to settle Catan, had numerous kitchen and living room dance parties with my sisters/niece, admired the lights at Temple Square (though I was cold and maybe hungry), remembered that the Broadway is my favorite movie theater in all of the US and that Ritter Sport Marzipan is my favorite candy in all of the world, watched more sports in a single night than I watched in an entire year (Go Cougs/Lakers!), passed my 3 year mark home from my mission, and delivered cookies/Christmas caroled with my family.

I can feel how good it is to be here.

Sincerely,

Rachel